Do you actually listen to what your senior friend has to say or do you assume that you already know? If your conversation topics are usually the weather or what happened on a favorite television show, you might want to find out more about your loved one by digging a little deeper. You could have a richer relationship and be better able to help improve the life of your special senior. You might find them saying things like:

• We have valuable things to share. Seniors have wide experiences and many insights. They've lived through economic depressions, wars, political battles, the scandals of celebrities, and societal shifts. Reading about other times in history books is one thing, but listening to seniors can give you a vivid picture of noteworthy events and private insights.
• We don't always need to be cheered up.  It's okay to talk about hard issues, like illness, upcoming medical procedures, matters of faith, even death. These things are on the minds of most people, no matter what their age. Trying to put on a cheerful attitude at all times can close you off from hearing the real fears or expectations of your senior loved one. 
• Do our grandchildren know about us? Seniors may love hearing about the ballet recitals, ball games, graduations and new babies of the younger generations, and sharing pictures of these moments with them can be precious. But seniors have lived full lives themselves: danced, played sports and raised families. They went to school, started careers, failed at things, found love and lost loved ones. Take time to ask about these events from the past.
• There are things you don't know about us. People from earlier eras might have hidden information about divorces, mental health, children given in adoption or other sensitive matters. Upon reflection, your loved one may be ready to pass along information to you that could be helpful to understand family relationships or health patterns. Make sure that your senior knows that they can confide in you without being judged and be prepared for what you might hear!
• Your help is appreciated.  A senior might want to talk to an old friend or distant relative but negotiating the telephone or Zoom could be just too complicated. New prescriptions or treatments can be confusing without help from someone who cares. Simply offering to be there to help with a phone call or doctor visit can be an act of love for a senior.

 
There are also times that you can spend together, without talking, simply enjoying each other's company.  Play some music from the past, hymns from their faith, holiday songs, or their dance music.  Looking through an old book or magazine together could be an opening for an important conversation. Seniors have had lives which might surprise you, cause you sadness or delight you, but you will do yourself and your loved one a service by listening to what they want to say.
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264
 

Visiting a senior relative might not look like fun to a toddler or a teenager. The expectation that they will sit quietly in an unknown environment and told to stay off their hand-held devices can certainly be off-putting to the younger generation. However, the attitude of the adults who arrange the visits between grandchildren and grandparent, for instance, can have a major influence on how much everyone gets out of the relationship. There are things that you can do to make the combination of youth and age produce more harmony than complaint.
 
1. Show your children that you are eager to go. Phrases like "We have to visit Gramps" or "I know you don't want to go, but Aunt Rose wants to see you" set up an expectation of failure. Try suggesting, "Let's see if we can ask Granny to tell us about the clothes teenagers used to wear" or "Did you know that Uncle Frank used to play semi-pro baseball?" There may be interesting things in the senior living homes to excite young visitors, too, like aviaries, fish tanks, game rooms, or live music. 
 
2. Invent some games to help seniors and young people interact. Make a set of conversation cards that your children can share with their senior friend, both answering, "What was your favorite subject in school?"  or "Did you ever go to a live concert?" "Who was your first crush from the movies or television?" or "What food do you never want to see on your plate?" may inspire some deep sharing or a lot of giggles. Either way, the generations will learn about each other. Another time you might have a spelling bee with the words from your first grader's list.
 
3. Find out about other people in the senior living facility. By greeting others who live in the same area as your loved one, you can show your children that all people matter. If you take a treat or decoration to your own friend, you can take along extras for your child to give to roommates or table mates. Even little children can make greeting cards; shy youngsters can offer a small flower; or preteens can demonstrate a magic trick. Ask your teen what they might share: a piano piece, a rap song, the recollection of an amazing play in that week's football game. If they are prepared in advance, they may be less hesitant to open up to loved ones and strangers alike.
 
4. Teach your young people something about their senior loved one. Go through the photo album before your visit. Point out that Grandma was once a bride, Cousin Ted was a champion bowler, Auntie Fran had red hair and thirteen children! Little details about your relative's life can show your youngsters that these are real people whom they will visit, not just someone aging or unknown. Empathy is a skill which can be taught.  Don't forget: they may be visiting you someday!
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264
 
 

​Talking (and Listening) to Your Senior Loved One
 
As people age, conversation can become more difficult. Your senior friend or relative may be just as interested as ever in what you have to say, but physical changes can simply make it too hard to talk and listen. As bones age and change shape, the function of the rib cage is affected. Muscles associated with breathing can also weaken. Years of smoking or exposure to chemicals, decreased heart function and obesity make it harder to speak loudly and clearly or to sustain conversation for a period of time. Hearing decreases, too, and constantly straining to hear is stressful. 
 
You may have traveled a long way or taken time away from your job to visit with your loved one, only to confront long silences and awkward pauses. But there are ways to make your visit with your friend comfortable and meaningful for both of you.
 

• Visit in the morning. Older adults have better cognitive function earlier in the day. Planning your visit between 8:30 and 10:30 in the morning may find your loved one energetic and alert. Cut down the length of your visit, as well, so that neither of you tires or loses focus. Don't forget to come back often.
• Face your friend. As hearing dulls, people automatically do a certain amount of lip-reading. Make sure that you and your friend are facing each other at a distance close enough to share conversation. Don't seat anyone facing the sun and ensure that the lighting in the room is good. 
• Speak clearly. Sharing a meal can be fun, but eating and clear conversation don't mix. If you are having a snack together, make sure that you put down your fork or cup before speaking in order to focus on the face of your loved one. Speak slowly, but not in an unnatural manner. 
• Use other social cues. Patting a shoulder, smiling broadly, looking serious, holding up a hand: these are all visual cues that help others understand what you are trying to communicate. If you are sharing a joke, be sure to smile or nod. If you need to say something important, touching your friend may help get and keep their attention.
• Give them plenty of time. It takes effort and time not only to hear, but to understand what has been said. Repeat if necessary and give your loved one enough time to "digest" what you have communicated. Don’t rush from subject to subject.

 
Most important of all, in communicating with your senior loved one, is to remember to listen. If you hurry in, say what's on your mind, and rush away, the other person may never have a chance to express what they have been thinking about. They have years of experience and plenty of time to reflect over a long life, and it will be a blessing and benefit to make sure they have time to talk. A great opening question is, "What do you want me to know today?" You may learn a fascinating story of their childhood, a forgotten bit of history or just how much they love and appreciate your visit.
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264
 

Flowers, candy and jewelry may have always been your go-to way to show loved ones that you were thinking of them on February 14, but many residents of senior residences don't have room for extra décor, avoid excess sugar and don't need yet another bracelet or tie clip. Here are five ways that you can still play Cupid. 

• Pick up a heart-shaped gift box, tin or basket and fill it up with individually-wrapped goodies. A small chocolate or bite-size granola cluster will be just right for a quick treat. Be aware of special dietary needs; choose sugar-free or low-sodium treats if necessary, and if they can't enjoy the goodies themselves, they will still get pleasure from having something to offer to the aides and others who visit.

 

• Choose a few heart-shaped frames for the latest pictures of the great-grandchildren and nieces and nephews. There are many simple ways that you can embellish the frames with the names of the youngsters, so that Great-Grandma or Uncle Bud can proudly show off their descendants. Not much wall- or shelf-space? Mini photo albums are a fun alternative.

 

• Send warm wishes with a bright red sweater or a soft pink sweatshirt. Fleece is easily washable and lightweight, perfect for a senior to have close at hand when the room gets a bit chilly. If your senior loved one is in isolation right now, something warm to wrap around their shoulders will remind them that you are thinking of them with love and hugs.

 

• Trace and cut out hearts from colored paper in the traditional shape of candy conversation hearts. Instead of the standard phrases, write family nicknames or special slogans that have meaning to you and your loved one. Consider fun ideas like "Hugs for Hank" or "Best Nana Ever" or "Miss U." String them together on a bright ribbon to make a banner or door sign for your senior's apartment.

 

• Many senior-living facilities have beauty shops, where residents can get their hair or nails done. Contact the residence and pay in advance for a special session for the one you love, which can lift their mood even when you can't be together. The Valentine surprise will be when the attendant says, "No charge!"

 
Whether you can personally visit the senior residence where your loved one lives or not, there are great ways to let them know that you are thinking of them. Think of some extra-special sweet ways to tell them that they are always in your heart.
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264

Does it seem as if you are having more trouble coming up with the word you want? Do you misplace your car keys more often? Did you forget an important anniversary? If you have any serious worries about your own forgetfulness or that of a loved one, talk to a health-care professional, but there is some simple help for those smaller frustrations of memory. 
 

• Exercise. You don't have to take up tennis or jogging, but starting exercise in older age can help reverse memory decline or delay degeneration. Active walking has been shown to help strengthen brain activity.

 

• Supplements are often said to improve the mind or delay dementia, but, until there is more testing, there are no guarantees that any over-the-counter supplements will help boost your brain. Good results have been seen with Omega-3 fatty acid and Ginkgo biloba. Vitamin E has also shown some promise, but, as with any medication or supplement, you should check with your doctor before you add anything to your daily regimen.

 

• Take a nap. Snoozing for 6 to 45 minutes has been shown to help cognitive activity. Especially if you have trouble sleeping at night as you age, a quick nap in the afternoon can improve your brain's function.

 

• Eat healthy. Dark-colored vegetables (spinach, kale) and fruits (dark berries, grapes) and oily fish (ocean tuna, sardines) are known to improve the mind's ability to work. And they don't all have to be fresh. Frozen vegetables and canned fish are good, too. Just watch the sodium. Eating less sugar and refined carbohydrates like white bread, cookies, and boxed cereals, will help keep your brain healthy, too.

 

• Drink up. (Water, that is.) Being dehydrated can cause confusion and fatigue. Your brain and body work best when fully-hydrated.

 

• Keep learning. Try something new to you, whether it's reading the manual for the new phone, doing newspaper crossword puzzles or brushing up on your multiplication skills. How about a continuing education class, learning a new card game or taking lessons in a musical instrument? Above all, get your mind fully-engaged in something that really tests your brain power.

 

• Pray, meditate or be mindful. Whichever method works best for you, the value of being quiet, focusing and letting go of worries cannot be overestimated. Your brain will be clearer for having had some time to relax.

 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264
 

​After years of sewing, crafting, painting or woodworking, your loved one in a senior care facility may no longer have access to materials for creating holiday fun. But you can prepare easy crafts for them this holiday season. You can do as much preparation at home as needed for your special friend's needs, or the simple projects below can be a special way to share time together, while reminiscing over holidays past. 

• Felt Picture Wreath. From colored felt, cut round doughnut-shaped circles for wreaths, with the hole in the center an inch or two across. Each ornament will need two identical wreaths, front and back. Cut out small family photographs or pictures from old Christmas cards, wider than the hole cut-out, but smaller than the wreath, and place each between the two green layers. Place a hanger loop of yarn at the top between the pieces before sandwiching it all together with craft glue. A happy face, a puppy or a holiday ornament will be surrounded by the holiday wreath. Buttons, sequins, bows of yarn or card cutouts can be glued on the wreath as decoration. Multiple felt ornaments can be hung on a small tree or as a garland in your loved one's room.

 

• Painted Rocks. Rock painting has come a long way from the 1960s. Buy or find rounded rocks, just the size to fit smoothly in the palm of your hand or a little larger. If time is of the essence, paint the rock a solid color with acrylic paint at home so that you can start the project at the senior living facility with the rock ready to decorate. Let your loved one bedazzle it with plastic jewels, glue on stars, or, if their hands are still steady, paint designs or words like Joy or Light or Love. The finished project can be a room decoration or a comforting hand-held reminder of time spent together.

 

• Flower Arrangements. Even delicate hands can enjoy the pleasure of making a holiday flower arrangement. Buy a variety of holiday-colored artificial flowers-- white and red or blue and silver will make a striking display, holly and berries are fun: be imaginative! Add a simple pottery or plastic container. Let your friend or relative choose the stems they like the most and arrange them into the pot, the more the merrier. The extra joy of this craft is that it can be rearranged over and over, and it takes no special skills. The finished display will brighten up their room.

 
Crafting time is about enjoying creativity together, but if you are not able to visit your family member at the holidays, prepare one craft in advance and box it with the supplies needed for a matching one. They may enjoy making their own version of the craft project, knowing that even when apart, you are sharing the holidays. The finished product is not what counts: the holiday treat is the fun of making something!
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264

​The holidays just won't be the same this year. While we're pondering how to social distance that big meal or share gifts without sharing contagion, we cannot forget our loved ones in senior living care facilities. Here are five simple ways to show those special people that you are thinking of them during this season.
 
1. Create a small booklet with favorite pictures of holidays past. Write brief notes about of special gifts and family stories. Don't forget the fun tales of those hand-knit sweaters or antics of children or family pets. Decorate with colorful stickers. (Make sure the booklet is lightweight and manageable for senior hands.)
 
2. Schedule a phone call to sing a holiday song or recite favorite scripture or poem with your loved one and encourage them to sing along! Music and verse can be healing.
 
3. Send a holiday bouquet. Bright flowers and greenery are a perfect way to remind someone that you are thinking of them even though you can't be together. (Remember that the arrangement will probably stay in one room, so be mindful of allergies.)
 
4. Don't forget that your loved one may be especially sad this holiday season. Being isolated from family, going without hugs, and spending extra time alone can cause "blue" holidays. Acknowledge those sad feelings and remind your loved one that you share them.
 
5. Make a video of your whole family (don't forget the pets!) or schedule an online chat with your loved one in the senior living facility.  If your special person isn't computer savvy, check with staff. Aides, who know how much residents are missing personal contact, are often willing to help with technology. 
 
Ask your whole family to put their heads together to find special ways of expressing love in these unique times. While we can't experience many of our traditions this year, we can form new memories and celebrate in new ways.
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264