​Talking (and Listening) to Your Senior Loved One
 
As people age, conversation can become more difficult. Your senior friend or relative may be just as interested as ever in what you have to say, but physical changes can simply make it too hard to talk and listen. As bones age and change shape, the function of the rib cage is affected. Muscles associated with breathing can also weaken. Years of smoking or exposure to chemicals, decreased heart function and obesity make it harder to speak loudly and clearly or to sustain conversation for a period of time. Hearing decreases, too, and constantly straining to hear is stressful. 
 
You may have traveled a long way or taken time away from your job to visit with your loved one, only to confront long silences and awkward pauses. But there are ways to make your visit with your friend comfortable and meaningful for both of you.
 

• Visit in the morning. Older adults have better cognitive function earlier in the day. Planning your visit between 8:30 and 10:30 in the morning may find your loved one energetic and alert. Cut down the length of your visit, as well, so that neither of you tires or loses focus. Don't forget to come back often.
• Face your friend. As hearing dulls, people automatically do a certain amount of lip-reading. Make sure that you and your friend are facing each other at a distance close enough to share conversation. Don't seat anyone facing the sun and ensure that the lighting in the room is good. 
• Speak clearly. Sharing a meal can be fun, but eating and clear conversation don't mix. If you are having a snack together, make sure that you put down your fork or cup before speaking in order to focus on the face of your loved one. Speak slowly, but not in an unnatural manner. 
• Use other social cues. Patting a shoulder, smiling broadly, looking serious, holding up a hand: these are all visual cues that help others understand what you are trying to communicate. If you are sharing a joke, be sure to smile or nod. If you need to say something important, touching your friend may help get and keep their attention.
• Give them plenty of time. It takes effort and time not only to hear, but to understand what has been said. Repeat if necessary and give your loved one enough time to "digest" what you have communicated. Don’t rush from subject to subject.

 
Most important of all, in communicating with your senior loved one, is to remember to listen. If you hurry in, say what's on your mind, and rush away, the other person may never have a chance to express what they have been thinking about. They have years of experience and plenty of time to reflect over a long life, and it will be a blessing and benefit to make sure they have time to talk. A great opening question is, "What do you want me to know today?" You may learn a fascinating story of their childhood, a forgotten bit of history or just how much they love and appreciate your visit.
 
Prairie Homestead
yvonne@prairiehomestead.org
prairiehomestead.org
1605 W. May Street
Wichita KS 67213
(316) 263-8264